


Letting Go

by BuffaloBuddy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forced Marriage, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, M/M, Sad Severus Snape, Severus Snape Lives, Soft Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuffaloBuddy/pseuds/BuffaloBuddy
Summary: Severus is already barely holding himself together after the war. What happens when he is forced to bond with Harry due to an old contract between their families?Mostly Severus POV.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 22
Kudos: 388





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> I might or might not continue this story (since I have ideas about their future) but for now it is complete as a oneshot.
> 
> J.K. Rowling owns everything.
> 
> Feel free to continue the story on your own, I'd love to read it.

Severus could feel the trembling start in his hands and slowly work its way up his arms and into his chest. Surely, if he weren’t sitting down, he’d have collapsed on the office floor, reputation and propriety be damned.

“Did you hear me, Severus?” Minerva asked, she couldn’t remember ever seeing Severus so shocked, although she couldn’t blame him given what she and Harry had discovered.

Severus couldn’t speak, could barely breathe. He’d been at his limit months and months ago. Persevering through adrenaline and fear alone. He’d honestly not expected to live through the war, let alone survive Nagini’s attack. Then waking up in the infirmary, apparently exonerated of his sins. Harry Potter had come forward with his memories and Albus’ will while he’d been in a coma. Although grateful and secretly overjoyed that Harry had survived, he’d holed up in his quarters all month, simply enjoying the relief of being alive. But how much more did fate expect him to take? How much more until he couldn’t handle the weight on his shoulders and chains on his soul?

“Severus, I can see you need time to process what we’ve found. Harry, as well, has been in his rooms at headquarters since yesterday.” She paused, giving Severus a sad and helpless look.

“We would never ask this of you if there was no other way. Harry will lose his magic by the end of August if we do not move quickly and if that wasn’t bad enough, the public outcry at such a result will be catastrophic and I am certain you would be in danger if your role in that result was discovered. At least this way, once the circumstances and contract are revealed, no one can complain about impropriety. It will be clear you both had no choice in the marriage.”

Marriage. By the gods, marriage. And no choice in it. Severus felt like acid was creeping up his chest. The boy, no, young man hated him. Severus had made sure of it over the years. At first it was his own childishness and then it was a necessity to keep them both safe. But now, Harry was going to be his husband. Share his quarters. Sleep in his bed. Eat at his table. Who knows what would happen when Harry graduated…

His husband.

His dominant husband.

The contract made sure of that. Just the top page Severus had scanned after Minerva slid it across the desk made that much clear. The Potter side was supposed to be the head of house, in charge of finances, living arrangements and all major decisions.

Severus croaked futilely, trying to acknowledge what Minerva said. Settling on a simple nod before grabbing the contract and rushing out of the Headmistress’ office.

Striding swiftly down the hallways and staircases, Severus was barely aware of passing volunteers for the rebuilding and the occasional staff member. He couldn’t think yet. Too many emotions swirling behind his occlumency shields. Dread at what Harry might do to his most hated professor with power over him. Confusion at how everyone missed this contract in the records, including himself. Disappointment at his lost freedom. Hope at the kind of relationship he’d always secretly wanted, where he can truly let go.

Severus immediately squashed that last bit down, as far down as he could make it. Harry Potter, no matter the boy’s hatred or indifference to him, would never be who he needed and with this newest development, Severus needed to accept that he would most likely never have what he needed. These kinds of contracts always had fidelity clauses for the non-Head of House. Only the Head was allowed promiscuity to allow for more heirs. Which was probably what was going to happen. He’d be stuck in a loveless marriage, unable to move on, while Harry dates some chit on the side. Probably the girl Weasley. Their ‘marriage’ would be less even than the pureblood political marriages, simply an annoyance that Harry would have to carry and come back to every few years.

Severus slammed into his quarters, erecting silencing wards just as the first tears leaked from his eyes mutinously.

This was another reason he’d stayed in his quarters since escaping the infirmary. He’d been much more emotional since waking up. Probably had been for much longer than he’d like to admit but war and necessity kept him on edge and in control. Now with the relief, all his barriers had come crumbling down around him and occlumency could only keep him calm for so long - brief excursions into the public for food or meetings with Minerva. Poppy had suspected something was off almost immediately, hence his flight from the infirmary. She’d have wanted him to go to a mind healer but Severus refused the very idea. He just needed time. Time and space and quiet. He’d started meditating again, which is likely what the healer would tell him to do but Severus knew emotional trauma like his took time to heal. He’d likely feel unstable for months, if he ever fully recovered.

War had changed him again. The first one hardened him, exposed him to horrors that shocked the system and created the jaded and strict professor everyone knew. The second war broke him, crushed his hopes and dreams, cracked his heart and weighed him down with guilt.

But how was he going to survive now, let alone get better? He was going to lose his privacy, all control in his life. He couldn’t even imagine the humiliation of Harry Potter seeing him like this, slumped on his couch like a doll with its strings cut and tears running down his face.

The thought made Severus snort as he imagined Harry’s face at seeing him in such a state. The idiot would probably freeze up like a deer in headlights, struck dumb by the impossibility of his Death Eater professor being human. He’d probably flounder around, hands flapping uselessly, maybe stumbling over platitudes uncomfortably. Annoyingly, Severus knew the idiot savior would want to help him which would only make the whole experience more humiliating. But it was inevitable something like that would happen. Even at his best, let alone now, he couldn’t keep the masks up 24/7 and at least while Harry was attending Hogwarts, they’d likely be forced to share quarters.

Sweet Merline, what was he going to do?

_~Four days later~_

“I hereby pronounce these two wizards bonded in the eyes of Lady Magic. Welcome with me the Potters.” The ministry official said while backing up and stowing away his wand.

Severus cringed slightly, only the barest of twitches visible, occlumency keeping his face mostly blank while Harry let go of their hands. He couldn’t quite believe he was here. He had scoured the contract day and night, even calling on Lucius, who’d spied with him over the last couple years, to get a professional opinion but no, it was air-tight. Harry, as the last Potter was subjected to a centuries-old agreement between the Potter and Prince families as a guarantee that the Potter family would go on in an emergency. It was enacted on his 18th birthday, ostensibly a year out of school, and he would have been given a choice of spouse if there were any remaining Princes but as Severus was also the last of his family, they were stuck together. Severus hadn’t even been aware that he qualified for the Prince Lordship, but it was too late now. Now he was consort. Furthermore, he needed an heir. Upon discovering his possible heirship, he became obligated to continue the line as soon as he was married, which he now was. Which meant he needed a child with Harry, no matter Harry’s plans to find a mistress and live separately because he was right, there was a damn fidelity clause on his end.

Severus allowed a shallow sigh to escape while the witnesses were clapping, standing side by side with Harry in the middle of the Great Hall.

Minerva had been generous enough to host their bonding at the school on such short notice so that the elves could help prepare everything. But that meant more people were able to attend. Practically all the volunteers, the staff, most of Harry’s classmates, some Order members and of course the Weasleys and the wolf.

The twin devils were, as always, annoyingly exuberant with their loud clapping and catcalls. While most of the others were sporting polite smiles, they knew about the contract from Rita’s most recent article. Though the girl Weasley was sending him a glare that could peel paint.

Harry shifted slightly and their arms brushed before he walked down the dais and into the crowd. Severus felt acid around his heart again. Harry and he hadn’t said a word to each other all this time except for their vows, which were standardized. Minerva had become their go between over the last week.

Now they were going to ‘celebrate’ for a few hours before retiring to his, now their quarters to ‘consummate’ the marriage. Minerva had mentioned that although it was tradition, this step was not actually necessary in their situation just sleeping in the same bed, which meant that was probably what Harry believed too. It was a little annoying that Minerva hadn’t seemed to even consider Severus’ side of the contract, but he hadn’t enlightened her. No need for more people to know than necessary.

Severus sighed again, a little harder this time.

Where was the drink table? He was going to need a drink or seven to get through the coming conversation with his husband.

Eventually the ‘party’ died down and as people started to drift off, Harry appeared at Severus’ elbow where he’d been standing on the side nursing a glass of fire whiskey.

“To your quarters?”

The first words Harry had said to him since the Shrieking Shack and Severus could barely look at him.

Silently nodding, Severus turned and began to lead his husband down into the dungeon. When they finally arrived outside his quarters, Severus paused and turned to Harry, again refusing eye contact. He knew it was probably glaringly out of character, but he just couldn’t right now.

“Place your hand on the door and I’ll adjust the wards for you. Password is Veritas. We can change it later if you desire.”

Harry grunted in acknowledgment and placed his hand on the door, stepping closer to Severus in the process.

Severus studiously ignored the smell of grass and musk that must be uniquely Harry, raising his wand and tapping Harry’s hand. Muttering the ward override password under his breath, adding Harry took a few seconds before the door clicked open.

Severus cleared his throat before leading Harry inside and closing them in. “It is your decision to change the password or even take full control of the room’s wards though I would recommend you allow me to manage them for now since I have been doing so for years.”

Harry hummed in response, slowly walking around the sitting room.

Severus almost wished they were still back at the party, the silence was wrecking his nerves. Though he was thankful for his spontaneous cleaning spree this morning. He’d planned on doing nothing to his rooms, presenting himself as-is but at the last minute, he couldn’t help a bit of nervous tidying. As embarrassing as it might be if Harry notices, he even took the time to use a skin-correcting potion knowing Harry might not be able to give him an heir if he was too ugly for Harry to even get it up. If he’d had more time, he could’ve made the Wand Lifting potion, a sort of wizarding Viagra for Harry.

Maybe that could be arranged though?

Yes, he could explain to Harry and make plans. He didn’t have to conceive tonight, just soon. As long as Harry agrees to one night together, he can prepare Harry’s potion and maybe even male fertility potions for the both of them. The Bearing potion wasn’t necessary due to their power levels but it wouldn’t hurt either.

“-nape. Severus!”

He snapped back to attention, realizing Harry was right in front of him. Merlin, how pathetic he’d become to not even pay attention to his surroundings.

When he finally looked Harry in the eye, he was surprised to note how calm Harry seemed. No anger just a bit of anxiety shining through.

Severus cleared his throat before striding over to the sofa. He couldn’t be so close to Harry right now. He was already precariously close to another breakdown and he at least needed to get through this conversation then maybe spend some time in the privacy of his personal lab before they were forced to spend the night in the same bed.

“Sit down Mr. Potter.”

“Harry, please. We are bonded. It is only appropriate that you call me Harry and I call you Severus.”

Harry slid onto the other end of the sofa instead of taking the chair across from Severus, thankfully missing Severus’ shocked look. “Indeed.”

Taking advantage of not having to look Harry in the face for this humiliating conversation, Severus took a bracing breath before diving in and explaining his need for an heir and his proposition for Harry. There was no question about who would be the bearer, even if the contract hadn’t indicated dominance in all its forms, Severus knew what his sexual preferences were.

“If you are agreeable to my plan, we can reconvene in 3 weeks. I will need at least that much time for the fertility potions. There is also the added benefit that a child for the Prince line can inherit both titles if you would like to wait for children until you’ve found a partner. This way you are not rushed by your own heir clause. We can discuss how to raise the child or visitations later, though you have the final say on the matter.”

Severus was tempted to look at Harry as the silence stretched between them but couldn’t quite bear the disgust he knew would be on his husband’s face at the thought of them being together even for one night. He was about begin speaking again, maybe to convince Harry of how quick it could be, he wasn’t sure, when Harry stood up and squatted in front of Severus where he’d been staring the whole time.

Harry’s eyes were narrowed dangerously, his lips pursed and hands clenched.

“And what about you, huh? I took our vows seriously, Severus. I don’t know how you got it in your mind that I would be seeking anyone else out but I do not plan to. I am fully aware that your side of the contract is under a fidelity clause. Do you expect me to leave you to suffer alone through our marriage? While I go out and sleep with whoever? What the hell? And I am perfectly aware of your need for an heir, Severus. I had planned to discuss our need for children in the coming weeks. I will tell you now though, I intend to have a child with you Severus and only you and we will raise him or her together. We might even have more than one, we can discuss it. But dammit, Severus, we will talk about it and I for damn sure will not be taking any Wand Lifting potion! What is going on? This is completely unlike you. No! Look at me.”

Severus’ shock had morphed into confused embarrassment and he knew he was inching closer and closer to another emotional breakdown, which he couldn’t risk in front of Harry. Why couldn’t the stupid boy just accept his offer and run with it? What did he mean about together? He didn’t understand. But Harry grabbed his chin, bringing him back around to face his husband like Harry had every right to touch him – which he did now. Except for excessive spousal abuse, Harry literally held all the rights in their relationship.

Harry’s eyes softened looking at Severus. This was not the intimidating and confident Professor he had in turn hated, respected, and admired. This man looked frightened and trapped.

Lowering his voice to practically a whisper, Harry let go of Severus’ chin in exchange for grabbing the frozen man’s hands. “Severus, no matter our history I fully intend to put my all into this relationship. I will not be leaving you alone. We can discuss what we want to do from here on out but personally, I want us to talk and I had hoped we could slowly work things out between us. We both had to wear masks during the war but the war is over.”

Harry could feel Severus’ hands beginning to tremble and he soothingly rubbed his thumbs across Severus’ delicate wrists. He couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing but he felt both saddened and honored to see Severus so vulnerable. He had been prepared for a confrontation. Had hoped to avoid a shouting match but expected a cold and curt Severus at the very least, who he would need to work with for weeks before having any sort of honest conversation between them.

He knew he was probably taking a risk but Harry decided then and there to be as honest as he could be about his intentions. He was frightened of Severus lashing out with cruel words or worse, taking advantage. But he knew logically, both the angry Severus and this nervous one would need him to be vulnerable first before they would open up at all.

Harry carefully and slowly lifted Severus’ left hand to kiss their bonding ring before looking Severus in the eye.

“Severus, I had not intended to tell you so soon but you are a smart man, I know you would probably figure it out soon anyway. I am happy to have married you.”

Severus let out an indignant sound before trying to tug his hands out of Harry’s and turn away feeling the need to hide since he couldn’t muster up anger in his state. Impossible. Ridiculous. Harry was handsome, young, brilliant and popular not to mention a celebrity. Severus had no need for empty platitudes and lies.

But Harry simply held Severus’ hands tighter and leaned forward until he was right in Severus’ face and Severus was forced to look him in the eye again.

Staring into Severus’ deep black eyes, Harry felt like he could see into Severus’ soul and was shocked at the wounded animal inside the strong man.

He knew what he needed to do. Raising one of Severus’ hands to his chest and holding it against his frantically beating heart Harry bared it all.

“Severus. You were a brilliant professor and spy, I know you can tell if I am lying so listen to me carefully. I like you. I don’t know for how long or how exactly I developed these feelings but I was honestly happy that out of everyone, I got to marry you. I don’t know what it means to love someone romantically but I hope to someday love you and that someday you might care for or even love me in return. I have no illusions that it will not be hard. We are very different but it does not mean I do not respect you or admire you. I give you my word that I will respect our vows, treat you with respect and honor you. I will discuss our lives together and never make any major decisions without your input unless in an emergency. You will be my equal in every way possible. I know the contract states that I will have absolute power over you but I will not abuse that power. I will also never take another into my bed. If we learn we are unable to have children, we will adopt the necessary heir. As of three hours ago you are my life partner and I will treat you as such.”

Severus was, by this point, shuddering with silent sobs. He couldn’t… but yes, he did believe Harry. It was completely unexpected and improbable but true. He’d been watching Harry since he was eleven, Harry couldn’t lie to save his life. At least for now, Harry was his husband in every sense of the word. He was not going to be forced to watch as Harry left to find a mistress. He was not going to be forced to be alone for the rest of his life or lose his magic. He could hardly believe what Harry said about his feelings and Harry was young still so it could change, but Harry was being honest about his intentions. They would be partners at the very least.

Gently, Harry sat back up on the sofa and wrapped Severus in his arms. Severus in turn sagged completely, leaning his head on Harry’s shoulder while he tried to suppress his sobs. Embarrassment at his state and gratitude for the comfort blending into the overall emotional mess.

Harry gently rubbed Severus’ back murmuring soothing words into his husband’s ear. “Shhh. Its okay, Severus. I’ve got you. Let it out, Severus. I’ve got you.”

Harry was astonished at the vulnerability Severus was showing and swore to himself that he would support Severus in every way possible from this day forward. He had known, logically, that Severus was wearing masks in the war and that the real man was going to have fears and worries like everyone else but he hadn’t realized how scared Severus had been about the contract or how stressful being a spy must have been. He couldn’t imagine the soft man in his arms standing defiantly in front of Voldemort, but that was exactly what happened in the Shack, he had the memory to prove it. But no longer. He was here now, and he was going to protect Severus. Severus would never again need to bear that kind of weight or struggle to survive. It might take some time, but he was going to make Severus happy. If anyone deserved it, it was his husband.


End file.
